Birthday Eve

It's my last day of being this old. While she was here, I asked Courtlin if she thought it was weird to see me all grown up. She said, "No, it was weird to see you get married and have a kid, thats when you grew up."

But I didn't feel like I grew up then. Getting married was pretty easy. I loved him. I wanted be with him for the rest of forever, and I couldn't see myself making a different life altering decision, so it didn't seem too life altering because it was the way I saw my life going. Having a baby was uncomfortable, but we both couldn't see ourselves making a different decision so it didn't seem to life altering, it just kept us on the path we were on.

But for some reason, I feel grown up now, like I could finally call myself an adult and not feel like I was rushing my life away, or secretly didn't belong to the club. I can't pin point the reason. Maybe its because I've gone the longest I've ever gone without seeing my parents. Maybe its not being around family who think of me as a kid. Maybe its because we have to be more careful with our money or lack of it. Maybe its because there is a lot of stress in New York and it made me feel old.

I'm going to go through my blog archive tonight. I'm going do some dishes and make my birthday pie so I can eat it in the morning. (Justin would make it, but he has class.) I'm going to look at pictures of myself with Reuben and tell him stories about he pictures. I'm going to listen to my quick mix on Pandora.com.

Justin was recounting his memories of my birthdays, he has a much better memory than I do. It was fun be reminded of those years. Especially that first year, newly engaged, driving my roommates crazy (sorry roommates) and they still made a cake for me. We had some fun nights in that basement lobby. I always felt like that was just an extension of our apartment... all the way to the piano room.