Thursday, September 4, 2008

Birthday Eve

It's my last day of being this old. While she was here, I asked Courtlin if she thought it was weird to see me all grown up. She said, "No, it was weird to see you get married and have a kid, thats when you grew up."

But I didn't feel like I grew up then. Getting married was pretty easy. I loved him. I wanted be with him for the rest of forever, and I couldn't see myself making a different life altering decision, so it didn't seem too life altering because it was the way I saw my life going. Having a baby was uncomfortable, but we both couldn't see ourselves making a different decision so it didn't seem to life altering, it just kept us on the path we were on.

But for some reason, I feel grown up now, like I could finally call myself an adult and not feel like I was rushing my life away, or secretly didn't belong to the club. I can't pin point the reason. Maybe its because I've gone the longest I've ever gone without seeing my parents. Maybe its not being around family who think of me as a kid. Maybe its because we have to be more careful with our money or lack of it. Maybe its because there is a lot of stress in New York and it made me feel old.

I'm going to go through my blog archive tonight. I'm going do some dishes and make my birthday pie so I can eat it in the morning. (Justin would make it, but he has class.) I'm going to look at pictures of myself with Reuben and tell him stories about he pictures. I'm going to listen to my quick mix on Pandora.com.

Justin was recounting his memories of my birthdays, he has a much better memory than I do. It was fun be reminded of those years. Especially that first year, newly engaged, driving my roommates crazy (sorry roommates) and they still made a cake for me. We had some fun nights in that basement lobby. I always felt like that was just an extension of our apartment... all the way to the piano room.

11 comments:

sallysue said...

Happy Birthday Eve!

sallysue said...

Happy Birthday Eve!

sallysue said...

Umm, and sorry about the multiple comments. I guess it means I hope its twice as fabulous as you hoped....

Jessica said...

Happy birthday! Somehow I'm guessing I wasn't involved in making the cake. It probably would have been inedible if I had been and there would have been snide comments about it made on the quote board.

I feel old too, but for me it's because I'm not married and I'm living in Utah, and when you're 26 and not married in Utah, it's a lot older than being 26 and not married in normal places (not that Utah's not normal...) And having my little sister be married and pregnant is just bizarre.

Anyway, have a fabulous birthday. Wish I could be there to celebrate it with you.

Mackenzie said...

Happy Birthday tomorrow! :-)

Lark said...

Your mother was in labor on this night 26 years ago. Happy Birthday! "Little"

charrette said...

Happy Birthday tomorrow! I'd been thinking about you ever since I read that post about the Dar Williams concert (still jealous!). I couldn't remember which came first, the concert or the birthday, so I just keep sending happy September wishes your way.

Mindy said...

Happy Birthday! I hope you do something fun that makes you feel young again. :)

Kimberley Griffiths Little said...

Happy Birthday, Brecken! Have a great day, and forget about the number!!! (Um, I need to take my own advice.)

Steve & Margaret said...

Happy Birthday, Brecken! I hope you have a wonderful day and that you get to spend a lot of time with your husband (that always makes my birthdays better!).

Tammy Lorna said...

Oh No! I missed you birthday! I'm so sorry. It was on my radar, on my radar, on my radar, and then I missed it *sigh*

I'll have to work on making it up to you ;)

And you do seem grown up - funny how that happens :) I feel 'old' but not 'grown up' yet. Hopefully that will change at some point!

And yes - I remember that birthday too :) I loved our basement lobby to the piano room apartment. If felt so much like our apartment that we even snuck out to the piano room at very late hours in our pjs :)

Happy birthday Brecken!
xo Tammy