Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Letter from Reuben

April 10, 2015

Dear Mom,

Mom I love you in many ways. I love you because you take care of me, you make me dinner and you buy me necacaties  like food and clothes. I love going to places with you like resteraunts and the movies. On my birthday I get lots of presents because of you. Now with three kids at home you manage to take care of all me, Simeon, and Jasper and barely ever lose your temper. With Jasper crying all night you don't get angry because you are tired. Thank you for being you. 


Monday, April 20, 2015

Getting Jasper Here.

(This post is so I don't forget these things--be warned.)

Friday, March 13th, we were heading out to go to lunch with Grammie and Pappie who were in town to see our stake production of Lamb of God, when I got a call from my midwife. She was going out of town on Wednesday for the rest of the week, that combined with my high
blood pressure, she wanted to see me on monday so we could make a decision about being induced.  I have a justifiable fear of induction, because I was induced with Reuben and it was every horror story you could imagine.

I decided that we would not be induced. My due date was not even until the 19th, and both boys came so late that she would be back before I went into labor anyway.  Grammie and Pappie left after church on Sunday, and monday I had a dentist appointment to get the permanent crown put in, and then that afternoon meet with my midwife.

Monday the dentist appointment went great. We then went to the midwife. While talking to Stacie (my midwife) I just got the feeling that I was supposed to be induced. Justin could tell I was thinking that and was pretty shocked. Stacie gave us a couple hours to discuss it and then call her with our decision. The feeling that I should be induced persisted, and while it didn't make sense with my experience, we decided to do it.

I had been to a Stake Relief Society meeting the saturday before were Elder Packer was quoted as saying, "The light is always green, unless it is yellow or red." So we went ahead and called to say we would be induced, with the idea that if it was a wrong choice we would know. That feeling never came. I took the boys for a walk around the neighborhood, and the contractions came and were about three minutes apart, but stopped when I got home.

At Midnight, I woke up scared about reliving Reuben's delivery of my own choice, I went down and got on the elliptical thinking that if I could go into labor before I got induced it wouldn't be the same. I wrote Tammy an email, and she called back. It was so nice to talk to her while I was not sleeping anyway. I did end up falling asleep for a couple hours, and then we were off to the hospital. We dropped the boys off with the Barrott's at 6:30 AM, and Justin and I were admitted to the hospital.

The Pitocine started around 8:30. I was at a 3. 10:30, Stacie came in and broke my water by putting a heart monitor on Jasper because his heart rate was dipping with the contractions.  He had his hand in the way, but she got it. That was not comfortable. I labored for a while. The contractions were completely manageable, it was the wet and the dips in his heart beat that I was worried about.

Then, Jasper kicked a big kick, and his heart beat beeping stopped and I felt the probe come out. The nurse came in. This was the second nurse we had. She checked me which hurt more than the contractions, and then she said, "where is your baby? He's not there any more." because going to put the heart monitor back on him.  That isn't exactly what you want to hear, especially if you are not thinking rationally and you had to push Reuben down the birth canal the last time you were induced. They were going to call Stacie to replace the probe. And that's when I hit my pain threshold, the thought of something going in was so much worse then something coming out. So I was ready for some pain meds. That was about 4 PM.

Turns out the medicine that I had with Simeon's epidural is not available in Utah. That worried me a bit because the walking epidural was so much better for me than Reuben's knock out. We discussed all my fears and then it was in. The heart monitor was put back on, and I laid down to rest, because with the epidural, that is what you are supposed to do. I was at a 5 and 90% effaced.

As the hours ticked on, and I didn't really rest, laying down turned out to be a problem because baby's head went the opposite direction that it was supposed to. At 6:30 Stacie came in and put a contraction monitor on the inside, so we could better monitor the dips in his heart rate, and the strength of the contractions. I was at an 8, but Baby's head was till no were near where it should have been.

Almost immediately there was a new beep in the room. It turned out to be the epidural pump, the batteries were dying, and the medicine was running low. The nurses and Midwife didn't know how to change the batteries, and the anesthesiologist was in a C-Section. then the epidural was no longer doing it's job. It was nice to feel my legs and again, and be able to move on my own, but the contractions were a lot for me to handle. It seemed like a really long time before the anesthesiologist was able to come in. She changed the batteries, and gave me a starter dose, and it worked from my hips down, but I was still feeling the contractions. Then I stopped getting a break in between contractions, and then I had the urge to push, but was too afraid to because I could feel it and didn't want to hurt more than the contractions were hurting.

Around 8 PM Justin went out to get the nurses and Stacie, and things started moving fast. As I as moaning through the contractions, Stacie came in and said that was a good sound. There were nice quiet voices, accompanying the bustle, and then I was told to push. I pushed 4 times, and then I had a tiny slimy baby on my belly, and I started to shake.

Jasper was our first slimy baby, the other two were pretty clean, because they were so old. Stacie said it was turned out to be a good thing that we induced because of how the cord was wrapped around his arm, (that was what was making his heart rate dip). Had he been bigger there could have been complications with that. And, the placenta was already calcifying and not healthy looking.

I kept shaking, Scott and Jordan were watching the boys, and we wanted them to be able to come meet Jasper, I was a little afraid to have the boys see me shaking like I was, but they came to see Jasper when he was an hour old. It was so nice to have our whole family together, and I was able to stop shaking while they were there.



(this smile is directed at Reuben and Simeon)

Monday, March 23, 2015

My Three Angel Babies

Reuben Baby
Reuben 09-09-10 174 alt
Simeon IMG_2525



Monday, March 9, 2015

Simeon on how I've been walking

"You are as slow as a boat with no paddles"

The sad thing is, he is right. My hips feel out of place. My tail bone feels like is going to break off, and the muscle in between my legs feels like I tore it. Just another reason being pregnant at 33 has been harder than 24 or 28. 

A week or two left until we meet the little guy. 

Monday, March 2, 2015

It is March!

We have been looking forward to March 2015 for quite some time. My sister, Courtlin, returns from her mission! Her year and a half long service has been a great example to the boys and us, and it has been so sweet to hear my boys pray for her and ask about her, and write her letters. It has not been sweet not to see her for a year and a half. We did go long spans of time not seeing family while living in New York, but this has been the longest.

The other reason is WE ARE HAVING A BABY THIS MONTH! It is hard to believe that it is really happening. I've been worried about him, and paying attention to his kicking, and going to the doctor, and praying for him, but for some reason he isn't really real yet. Could be if he is real the worry would overwhelm me, or it's just connected to the fact that I hate anticipation and really try to avoid it at all costs (even if it is something I have desperately been wanting.) We are ready for him to come, except we can't find the Ergo. I packed it somewhere really smart during the move, and since we had little hope of pregnancy, I wasn't thinking we would need to find it easily. But, the clothes are washed and ready to be folded, the bed is set up, and the car seat is clean. I just need to buy some diapers and we are set (except that ergo)! It may be Justin's job to keep looking for the Ergo, while he has some paternity leave.

I am also getting a crown this month. I know, exciting stuff. I broke a tooth in December eating a Candy Cane Jo Jo--a chocolate covered oreo-like cookie from Trader Joe's with candy cane chunks on the chocolate and in the cream filling. I hate to waste money on stupid stuff like teeth--I'd much rather just have healthy teeth, but that is the way the cookie crumbled.

Our stake is doing a musical production called, Lamb of God. It is a musical production about the last week of Christ's life. I will admit that I think it misses a few important things, like any thing based on the book is sure to do, it has been fun to work on. The whole family is involved, me in the choir with baby in belly, and the boys in the children's choir. Justin is singing the role of John the beloved. (He sounds great, and all the ladies that know he is my husband tell me every week how much they love his voice.) We have been working on it for weeks now, and look forward to having our sunday nights back. The performance is March 13th and 14th.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Gotcha Game

Simeon invented a game. It started out simple, like most games invented by five year olds. The object was to say "I love you" before the other guy thought to say it. We played the game while Justin and Reuben were at work and school, they were missing out. It was sweet.

Then Simeon noticed that it was actually a game we were playing and found great pleasure in winning, so added "Gotcha." Now if you were the first to say "I love you" you followed it up with "Gotcha." "I love you. Gotcha." If I won, he would moan and then say, "I love you, too." But I didn't win that often.

Simeon noticed that I wasn't winning often so he started giving me a heads up. "Heads up. I love you. Gotcha." By this time it was no fun to just play it with me, so the game continued when Reuben and Justin got home. Reuben started playing.

At bedtime, I'll hear Reuben yell from his bed, "Mom, Heads up. I love you. Gotcha." I hear Simeon say, "Reuben, Heads up..." and then Reuben jumps in with "I love you. Gotcha." and then they say "Jinx."

It's a great game. The only problem is, now when someone says "I love you" first. The other guy groans and says "I was going to say that."

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Hiatus over. January means time to brag on Reuben.

I realized that my hiatus from recording our lives should be over. No matter how plain our life has become--a thing I am extremely grateful for--if it's not written down somewhere I won't remember it. Also, I need to resurrect this so it doesn't look like the only reason I started again was the baby. 

Reuben is now 9! He is a remarkable child, and my mommy goggles don't even have to be that thick to believe that. He is an avid reader, he loves to be read to, to read to Simeon, and to read to himself. He read Hatchet, which I was supposed to read in 6th grade but couldn't comprehend or finish. He even reads his scriptures every night before he lets himself read the novel he is working on. He thinks he isn't good at math, but after he is taught principles and practices he passes the tests without a problem. He is playing the piano, and successfully practicing and improving. 

He is a pretty shy guy outside of our own home. He doesn't enjoy impressing people with his talents, and refuses to in most cases. He is a bit tight lipped about his feelings and what happens during his day--but I can't really blame him for that because he gets it from me. But as his mother I do wish I didn't have to pry so much or worry about him just because I don't know what he is thinking or worrying about. 

He wakes up each morning and comes to get a cuddle. That little bit of affection sets him up for the rest of the day, and if for some reason we sleep in and miss that it is apparent for the rest of the day. 

He is so helpful. He accepts more responsibility without question, and he is constantly concerned about helping simeon and me. We love having him home because he really does just make our life better by being here. 

We had a little glimmer of an idea that he would be amazing when he was born, but it is still a surprise how wonderful he is. 
His birthday was evidence of his sweetness. I had woken up early to finish up his birthday cake. He wanted German chocolate--I made it from scratch. He came down and sat down by me on the couch. He was excited that it was his birthday, but in the way Reuben gets excited, which is understated. He let daddy and Simeon sleep, patiently waiting to open presents. We didn't have any candles. We sang and ate cake without candles. He opened the small pile of presents with gratitude and no comment on how few there were. Then it was off to school. While Reuben was at school simeon and I went to find a present for Simeon to give him. We found some lego things and Simeon couldn't wait for Reuben to get home to give them to him. When the time came Reuben  was so happy that he didn't even take off his coat before playing with the Legos. He wanted pigs in a blanket for his birthday dinner and peas and macaroni and cheese. Then we went to the 7 o'clock showing of alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day, which was enjoyable and kept us out way past bedtime. It was a simple day and didn't seem to celebrate him enough, but he was gracious and grateful.