Happy Birthday Jasper

This year as been a blur.

I kept meaning to write of the heart ache of having my sweet perfect baby locked away in the nursery so he could have bili light treatment, and how frustrated that the nursery nurses fought me when I took him to feed him. How it took us forever to be discharged from the hospital because no body was helping us get what we needed for Jasper, his blood test kept coming back not in the healthy zone. When we finally took him home, we couldn't hold and cuddle him because we were trying to keep him on the bili light table. This was torture for him and us, so we opted for the bili blanket. Our sweet new baby was always plugged in and wrapped tight in blankets--but we could hold him.

I was going to tell you about taking him in to the emergency room to get the final blood test so we could stop worrying about his jaundice. How we sat there waiting for a little poke, and three babies with RSV came in.

I meant to write of the desperation of having a screaming two month old baby who could not be comforted, and just screamed and cried no matter what I did. The voice in my head that said, "You used to know how to do this mothering thing, what happened?"

I intended to write of all the things that I thought might be contributing to the unconsolable crying. Jasper would go two weeks without a bowel movement. No answer from the doctor, just suggestions on how to help him. The nightly belly rubs and leg pumpings, and then the coaxing with suppositories or Vaseline dipped q-tips that would finally get things moving. The spit up. The no making eye contact. The fact that he had teeth coming in at three months old.

The summer was spent in a colic haze. Jasper would cry and the boys would not even blink an eye. Reuben and Simeon were left to their own devices most of the time. The neighborhood kids stopped knocking on the door to see if they could "hang out."

We went to St. George and met Talyn and her kids there. Jasper and Alden are polar opposites in just about every way possible. Jasper is long and thin. Alden is round and short. Jasper is blond, pale, and blue eyed. Alden is dark, dark, and brown eyed. Jasper screams and cries. Alden grunts and smiles.

We went to Minnesota. The cousins wanted to hold him. He cried. His grandma and grandpa wanted to hold him, he cried. His aunts wanted to hold him. He cried.

Then, I wanted to write about the day around 6 months old when I looked at Jasper and realized that I liked him as well as loved him, because the screaming had subsided. I could almost think clearly, and I felt like there were things I could do to comfort Jasper. He still cried, often, and he still was very picky about who could hold him, but at least he could stop crying most of the time.

We went to New Mexico. His cousins wanted to hold him. He cried. His grammie wanted to hold him. He cried. His pappie wanted to hold him. He cried. His aunts wanted to hold him. He cried.

We got into a regular nap schedule and he started sleeping through the night most nights. He started smiling. We rarely left the house and hibernated through the winter.

Now Jasper had his birthday. He is a ham. He fake cries and then gives a hilarious smile--like he knows what torture he put us through. When he gets frustrated slams his head into things. He and Simeon were in the bath this week when Simeon stole a toy from Jasper's hands. Jasper screamed, and reached, when Simeon didn't give it back, Jasper slammed his head into the water. It went in just a bit, and when he pulled his face up he had bubbles all over. Simeon and I couldn't stop laughing, and Jasper, still without his toy was forced to do it again, which led to more laughing.

He has eight front teeth, a molar on the bottom left, and the top right with bulges on the top left and bottom right. He grinds his teeth. He has fluffy long duck hair. He is really a handsome baby, and well liked. He loves to eat. He crawls up the stairs with ease. He fell down a couple stairs once, so now sits at the top of the stairs and screams and cries until someone comes to carry him down. His smiles are big and lovely when they appear. His laugh is magical and rare.

He belongs. We love him. He is growing so fast and really just amazing. Reuben and Simeon love him, and have been huge helps. They are patient with their frazzled parents and sweet with their helpless baby of a brother.

He cuddles now. He holds onto my hair, or shirt, or finger. He loves to grab glasses off of faces. He is determined, and doesn't quickly forget things. He is a great sleeper, and loves his schedule. Carrots make him loopy and then make him throw up.

I can't imagine not having him.