Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Mommy's side

As I sit here cuddling my new baby all those months of doubt and disbelief fade away. Actually they faded away during those last few pushes where I thought my perineum was going to explode.

I don't regret any of the decisions we made today, and I haven't even taken a pain reliever yet! Oh, there is ice, and witch hazel, but I'm feeling pretty dang good. I can even walk by myself, something that took more than 24 hours to do with Reuben. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The doctors at 1 AM were convinced, or at least portrayed that to me, that I would end the delivery in C-Section. The midwife just let them warn me. But, that is why we broke the water, and took the pitocin, to avoid the "path to c-section." When I was closer to delivery the day attending doctor came in to discuss this same thing with me. Turns out only 10 percent of large babies have a problem with shoulder dystocia, and only 10 percent of them end up having any lasting affects. (She didn't even mention death.) She just said that if he didn't go down, or seemed to get stuck in anyway she would not use forcepts or vaccuum, instead we would have a c-section. She was in the room when I started pushing (with Jo, the midwife guiding me.)

I'm getting ahead of myself again. So, those contractions that I couldn't stop myself pushing through but I was still only at an 8 were amazing. I couldn't make myself breathe, I couldn't stop, and boy, it was hard to recover from. I could almost control myself, and recover as I was sitting up, but the external fetal monitor couldn't catch him, so they tried to put an internal one in...and boy did that aggravate things (they ended up having to wait until after the spinal was working to get it hooked up. Justin did a very good job of sticking to our plan trying to talk me down, but I knew I could control myself, and get back in control if I had the edge off.

Amazingly that's what they did. It was still pretty yucky to hear the pops and feel the pokes, but they gave me the bare minimum drip. Once the spinal wore off I was completely recovered from the scream inducing contractions, and I still felt the urge to push, but I was able to control it until I got permission. The pain went from EVERYWHERE to my hips and bum. I wished I could just have a bowel movement and let my bum stop hurting, so Jo checked me, and sure enough I was at a 10, but his head was still too far up to think pushing was a good idea. I sat up, lowered the bottom part of the bed, and let gravity do its job while still staying in bed. And it was so nice to not have to hold back a push when the urge came.

Once I started pushing it took some time to make them effective. A med student and Justin were holding my feet and were afraid to push on them, finally I yelled (because I was in pain and couldn't control my volume) and they brought my legs toward my shoulders. I could feel him crowning. I could feel the stretch. And in those final stages I was not-so-kindly begging someone to push the extra dose button. (There is no way I could have pushed through that pain if it was full power.)

I pushed. For 20 minutes. And just when I thought I had to stop because it hurt too much I felt the stretch and plop of his head exiting. I managed to push again, and the rest of him slipped out. (notice the key word "slipped.") Jo placed him on my stomach, and I didn't even vomit because he was all slimy. And good thing she did, because he had some meconium staining that meant they had to take him away from me to make sure he was okay. My placenta took a while, and I did tear in the exact place where I had Reuben's episiotimy. And I didn't get to hold him for a while, even though this time I didn't feel like I was going to drop him.

I finally got him. He wanted to cuddle for a while, refusing the breast, but after a while we took care of that. Hurray for fixing problems the first time!

Justin watched while Simeon was in the nursery, and I laid down in the semi-private (really means shared) room and listened to a boisterous family while missing my Justin, Reuben, and Simeon. Unfortunately we got up to the recovery room just before shift change so everything took a little longer. And, Justin had to leave before we had any family time to speak of. He helped me rearrange my half of the room, and then he was off (they took like two hours in the nursery because there were a lot of babies).

I'll be home on Friday, and can't wait.

Simeon needs me.... Okay, I'm back.

I feel blessed. I feel loved. I feel overwhelmed and lonely, oh to have that kind patient husband of mine that refused to call me mean when I was in the bouts of extremely painful contractions and yelling at him for trying to help me through them. He is a good man, a great father, and a perfect husband.

And BOY! am I glad that Simeon is just as good looking as Reuben was. I'm on the half of the room with the windows that overlook Central Park, and since I can move I am going to be taking advantage of the light and taking pictures just to prove that Simeon belongs to us the people who make astoundingly beautiful babies.

He's asleep. I've got to try to sleep, now if only my lonely roommate (who is a first time mom) would stop talking on the phone. I guess I'll pay her back by keeping Simeon with me (hers has to be under the lights so there is only one crying baby possible tonight.)

Thank you for your prayers and faith. I felt them. I continue to feel them.


My name isn't Jerry said...

I vomited. And there was no slime in West Jordan.

The Jones :) said... are amazing...I was cringing and squirming just reading your explanation. I'm so glad he's out and that it didn't last as long or as traumatic as Reuben's delivery. He's adorable and is a very beautiful baby!! Enjoy your hospital stay, but more so enjoy going home with your new baby!! Hope he sleeps some at night for you!! Congrats and I'm still thinking and praying for you!! Wish I was there to help!!!
Love you
Becki :)

Sandy M. said...

Brecken, thank you so much for your beautiful post. I don't know how all the men out there will go with reading through it all, (though why they should be cringing, I don't know :), but I thought it was beautiful and it made me cry! :)
I also feel grateful that you have been so detailed, especially while it is still so clear for you - I know that Abby (first time Mum) will read this and learn a bit more about what to expect. Even though everyone is at least a bit different....
You do seem to make beautiful children, dont't you? :) It's very clever of you! It sounds as though you did wonderfully well all round.
I know what you mean about feeling lonely afterwards - I never wanted Neil to go! But you also have a lot of very excited and very interested friends out here, keen for any and all updates! :)
Sweetest dreams!

Tammy Lorna said...

Oh Brecken.
What a perfectly wonderful person you are. Thank you for the beautiful post. I miss you a lot you know, and I've been really sad of heart to be so far away. Lately especially. Your post made me feel like I was there with you all, and of course it made me cry a little (sitting at my desk surrounded by ringing phones and never ending emails). I'm just so very proud of you, and so completely joyous for you. I could picture it all - the pain and determination and relief. I could especially picture Justin's terrified persistance in following the plan :) Well done Justin.
What I can't see very clearly in my mind, is Simeon. You'll have to send more photos soon so he can become just as real as the rest of you are. I'm especially looking forward to some photos of Reuben with Simeon - How excited he must be!
I hope you're getting some rest, and I hope you're not feeling too lonely. We'd all be there with you if distance (and hospital rules) weren't providing such annoying barriers.
You're one of my heros Brecken - sleep well.
xo Tammy

Anonymous said...

Brecken, Justin, Rueben and Simeon,
Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience with us. How fun, Rueben, for you to have a new baby brother. And before you know it he will be so much fun to play with. Just ask Klous Jones!
Justin, you are amazing. Simeon, you look pretty much like your brother but with your own personality, I am sure. And Brecken, enjoy your stay in the hospital. Rest while you can. Let others help you. This is such a special time in your life. Savor every minute. They really do grow up so so fast!! Love you all and am so glad all has gone well so far. Thanks for keeping us updated!
As Klous says, ramma judy

Marydee Moore said...

He is so gorgeous! Yay! More Cooks!

Tara said...

I am in awe over what you just went through! You are amazing! At pretty much anything you do! I couldn't be happier for you and your family! And I just can't wait to see Simeon in person! I think he does look quite a bit like Reuben and I agree with the beautiful babies bit! When you get back home, can I just sit and hold Simeon for a little bit? I think I would love that!

Bob said...

Congratulations on another beautiful baby.

Mindy said...

Reading your experience, as good as it was, makes me want to ask for the full epidural! You are much braver than me. I'm happy for you and your family.

Heidi said...

Huge Congratulations! Great job to you and Justin on the entire experience. Wow, what a wonderful day...Success!!! We are so happy for you guys and look forward to bringing you a meal when you want a visit and have some time. Enjoy your R&R there at the hospital and good luck with the trip home. I hope the happy feelings continue and he sleeps a lot. :) Great job!

di said...

dearest brecken - so proud of you! congratulations - he. is. beautiful!

Kirstin said...

Yeah! You did it (what an incredible story) and he's here (and a very handsome boy, at that)! Congratulations!

charrette said...

Sorry I missed all this when it happened...but we are SO happy for all of you! And can I tell you how much I love the name Simeon...? (Especially the connection to Reuben.) We named Jordan in part because we love the name, but also for the connection to Joshua.

Such excellent parents. Such a beautiful baby. I wish you far more love and congratulations than this little comment box can possibly hold!