I spoke to fast

Justin is working on a short film this week, all night shoots. Monday night I fell asleep at 10, it was a miracle. Usually I spend night shoots worrying about my husband, who does silly dangerous things when he is tired. (Like flip ATVs, for example.) So it was the first time that he woke me up when he called to tell me he was safe. And then I thought it was strange that I slept fine because this shoot is taking him to probably the most dangerous place he's been in a film shoot.

So last night I put Reuben to bed, and started to read. And I didn't fall asleep. I read and read and read. (its a good book, The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.) I listened to music on the I pod and knitted. I listened to quiet music on the I pod and layed in bed trying to convince myself to fall asleep. Then the battery ran out.

I layed in bed and did the relax your whole body while deep breathing.

Then I layed in bed and thought about all the things that I have read about how to overcome insomnia. Don't have a clock in sight (this one doesn't work for me... time moves slower when I know its not moving.) Have a quiet, comfortable place to sleep (this one doesn't work for me because I live in New York.) In order for it to be comfortable I had to open the window, which means I had to turn on the fan so the people walking by talking really loud, and the cars and motorcycles wouldn't startle me.

The buzzing of the fan is too loud to be white noise, and the noise of the street is too loud to be past midnight.

I called Justin and told him I was going to sleep so he wouldn't call and wake me up if I was able to fall asleep. He was safe.

I did not think of all the things I needed to do. I did not think of all the things I hadn't done. I didn't think about Reuben getting sick and how horrible that would be because we don't have insurance yet. I didn't think of the mice and what they were doing, and I wasn't imagining ways to outsmart them and kill them. I did not think of how Justin got lost in Queens, and how he said it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to him (because he was mugged in Brazil, and I would think that would be pretty scary.)

When Reuben started yelling, "Mommy! I'm stinky! Mommy! Cereal please!" I had had 3 hours of sleep, and it wasn't consecutive.

It looks like rain today, and that makes me happy because that means all I have to do today is laundry and a few hours of editing. And Reuben and I will have to sneak around the house as to not wake up Daddy, so he doesn't do anything dangerous because he is too tired.

Daddy called at 8 and said he was on his way home. He is not home yet.