Thursday, February 21, 2008

Where did my baby go?

Remember when Reuben looked like this? His long dark hair, his round face, his long fingers, the new born cry, the 90th percentile weight? Some of you may not remember my Reuben like this, I barely do.

Reuben and I were looking at photos from his first month. "Baby Pooben" he would point and say. "Oh, baby sleeping?" "Thats sweet." Two years ago I never would have imagined sitting and having that baby boy tell me about himself. All I could see was the wisdom in his eyes, and big smiles.

Do all mothers go through this? Do all mothers spend most of their time worrying about other things until suddenly one day they realize their baby doesn't really fit in that category anymore? Now, don't get me wrong, I love Reuben just as much, if not more, today. But I can't help but feel like I missed something. When did he stop being a baby? I missed it. Will I just keep missing all of the other times he grows up all the sudden? In three years when he goes to school, will I know its time for him to go or will he still be two in my head?

Why this reflection? Because I think naptime is over. Its been three days without his regular one. I do our routine, he screams and cries for an hour, and then I go get him out. He doesn't have tired eyes. He doesn't stop running. He doesn't even crash at night. Yesterday I got him to fall asleep at four, but didn't let him sleep too long in hopes that he would fall asleep at night. (It didn't work, he didn't fall asleep until 12:30 am)

You'd think that working from home would be easier as the child grows. NOT SO. It becomes increasingly more difficult. It goes from working around the nursing baby, tapping the bouncer with your foot while you type, to working early in the morning while he his asleep or groggy during naptimes and after he goes to bed, and now with no naptime it is becoming nigh-to-impossible.

On Saturday Reuben and I cleaned his room. He did most of the vacuuming.

He didn't dart into the street on our walk on Tuesday.

He is pretty darn good at communicating.

He has blond hair, and no baby fat rolls.

He hugs back now. And gives kisses.

And undresses himself.

I don't want to miss when he starts to dress himself.


The Jones :) said...

Phatty...I totally agree...Klous is only 16 months...but I feel like he's growing way to fast and I'm missing out on things also...and now the thought of wanting another baby...I just wonder if that will make me miss even more, because we'll be focused on that one you know?? Just enjoy the time you can and have...and things will be alright!!! You're being a GREAT Mommy...and I know Reuben knows that too!!!
Love you and miss you LOTS
-Becki :)

Tammy said...

I'm so glad that you have Reuben and that the two of you are friends. I think that friendship will only get better and stronger as he grows up.

But I did love Baby Reuben too.

xo Tammy

Jessica said...

Sounds like it's time to have another one (wicked grin). While I don't have any experience as a mother, it does seem that kids grow up inordinately fast. In Reuben's case, he went from being an adorable baby to an adorable little boy.